The Disguised Beauty of Contrast

Dear reader,

As 2015 comes to a close, I am reflecting on the past year. And what a year it’s been, both on a personal level and a global level, shadow and light dancing together in love and sorrow.When I sit with my clients, I am often invited into the question of “Why?”Why did this thing happen? Why did I have to go through that, and how do I make sense of, and accept the unacceptable? I feel their despair and have no answers for them.I can only reflect on my own experience and encourage inquiry: What is the alchemy you can make of this? When life brings you lemons, how are you going to make lemonade? How will you not only taste, but embrace the sour and make it palatable?

Here is a quote from my teacher, Yogarupa Rod Stryker:

“It is an abiding principle of dharma that every experience can help you grow and move closer to who you are meant to become…Pain, disappointment, and even anger are very human responses to some of life’s circumstances. But to the extent that we can engage in non-attachment… we become what the Bhagavad Gita describes as ‘wise, even satisfied’ and more capable of having our ‘security… unaffected’… Everyone who has ever overcome hardship or adversity has done so in large part because he or she has chosen, consciously or unconsciously, to live from a Miracle Angle.”

I entered 2015 in despair, anger and cynicism, after a painful relationship break-up, wondering, “What’s my lesson in all of this? And, after all of the work I’ve done, why this?? WTF?” I began my inquiry and took it into meditation, seeking my Miracle Angle.I’ve had to dive into my own shadow side, looking at my anger and how it has been projected onto friends, drivers, and other beings who did not deserve it. I’ve had to look at how I put too many of my “happiness eggs” into the basket of my former partner, instead of keeping them closer to my own heart. Finally, I realized (how honorable the Universe has been, to hit me over the head with this lesson until I got it, in the 5th decade of my life), that happiness lies within. In taking back my happiness eggs, the place where I have invested them is in my deepening commitment to my meditation and ParaYoga practices.

What has come out of it, over the last year, is beyond what I could have ever asked for or imagined.

In the face of many losses, especially of family of origin, I feel less alone than I ever have. I am blessed to have a few wonderful friends, and the number grows. Getting invited into the best professional situation I could have ever asked for by sharing a beautiful office suite with my friend and colleague, Mary Bernuth.I enjoy living part-time in the mountains of my home state, Colorado, where I play on my bike and skis. Today, I live close enough to my teacher, and sangha, to be able to drive less than two hours to attend trainings. And best of all, I was invited to be one of a small group of apprentice trainers for The Four Desires.Most recently, by no accident on December 21, when darkness begins returning to light, I received my ParaYoga level 1 teacher certification. This is such an honor, and something I never thought possible. In the world of yoga, I never considered myself to be “good enough” to be a “teacher.”

I leave 2015 with grace and tears of gratitude for the alchemy of the past year, and for the encouragement to consider my own Miracle Angle.

By embracing my dharma and my divine destiny, I will continue to do the work of my heart.

Thank you to all who have allowed me to share it.

Linda

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Shadow and Light: reflections on 2015