Unwanted Visitors
Symptoms as Unwanted Visitors
There have been numerous posts in the news and on social media, after the recent suicides of two famous people, who seemingly had everything: Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain.
One of my clients commented that maybe these suicides give us permission to escape a life where we feel a lack of meaning and choice. A recent New Yorker article reported that there was a ten percent spike in suicides after Robin William’s death. There is always an increase following high profile events. Since 1999, the average suicide rate in the US has increased by 25%, with the highest rates among Caucasians.
In our society, today, there is an epidemic of “disorders,” from depression and anxiety, to ADD and ADHD, to unexplained autoimmune illnesses. Oftentimes, clients come to me on a cocktail of medications with significant side effects. When I don’t turn off the volume on those television commercials advertising the latest medications, I’m aware, while the screen is flashing people having all of those happy moments, the background voice is rattling off, at high speed, the long list of side effects, including the possibility of death.
Maybe symptoms are not something to be “gotten rid of.” Maybe depression and anxiety, for example, are visitors who come knocking at your door with an important message. What if classifying them as “disorders” and dousing them with antidepressants is holding you back from discovering something more important? Maybe the epidemic of depression and anxiety, and subsequent “need” for antidepressants, in our culture is an indication of a deeper dis-ease, and subsequently, a different approach to treatment.
Twice in my life depression and anxiety came into my life like a tsunami, flooding every moment with panic and hopelessness. I did not have much of a choice but to invite them in. Both times, I was cracked open. What I found, both times, was judgment and a lack of understanding when I tried to share with friends what I didn’t totally understand, myself. This only led to more feelings of isolation and shame. I can’t blame those who have never experienced the crippling state of depression, but I can take my experience and attempt to help in some way.
I believe that the higher suicide rates are related to increased feelings of isolation and lack of meaningful connection, along with increasing financial stress. We are so “busy” that we don’t have the time to truly connect with one another, and take the time to listen. What I needed when I was scraping bottom was not to be given a pill and a pat on the back as I exited the doctor’s office, but caring others who could help me know, first and foremost, that I wasn’t alone (or crazy).
On a deeper level, I also needed a skilled professional to help me navigate the dark waters and find the root cause of my suffering. This is when, quite by accident, I found my first Hakomi therapist. Here I found the path toward truly knowing myself—my Self—that was hidden in the stormy waters of my adaptive strategies for surviving. What I found the second time, 15 years later, was the link to my current spiritual practice, when I began my journey with yoga at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health, along with Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy.
Both times, it was my soul calling me: Let me out!
Depression, for me, was pushing down my life force, not allowing my Self-expression because it had never been safe; anxiety was my voice wanting to be heard, calling for action.
The path has been exploring these unwanted visitors with love and kindness.
As always, thank you for reading. Share any thoughts or comments in the section below.
With love and gratitude,
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
— Jellaludin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks
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