Social engagement, now more than ever
The Importance of Connection
Dear Reader,
We are now approaching the seventh month of COVID 19 with little hope of coming out of it anytime soon. At first, after the apocalyptic fear passed and people stocked up on toilet paper, it was novel. It gave us permission to not have to go anywhere. Many of us slept better. We became innovative and creative in our work. Some have suffered the economic consequences while others have thrived. Summer came, things opened up, outdoor restaurants and activities abounded.
Now we are in the chronic depths of it, facing fall, cooler temperatures and the coming of winter and darkness, which will force us inside.
And then we have the masking…
Covid-19 and the nervous system
The polyvagal theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, describes the evolution of the human nervous system in terms of the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve is the 10th cranial nerve that spans from the brainstem to the heart and visceral organs of digestion. Originally thought to have two primary branches, Porges describes a third branch of the autonomic nervous system (ANS), called the ventral vagal branch.
The most primitive branch is the dorsal vagal branch, which is the unmyelinated branch of the parasympathetic nervous system, or PNS. This branch is responsible for “rest and digest” but also involved in “shutdown” when we feel helpless or unable to escape threat. The second branch, the sympathetic nervous system or SNS, is responsible for “fight or flight” response to threat. The third and most recently evolved branch, according to Porges, the ventral vagal branch, which is our “social engagement” system.
For many of us, COVID presents a potential threat, increased by the unseen nature of it. We can’t see it, we don’t know if or when it’s floating around. We may become hypervigilant, our SNS poised for fight or flight. When the SNS is dominant, we may misread facial cues and detect threat where there is none. Additionally, behind masks, we can’t see complete facial expressions and we can’t use healthy relationships to self-regulate. This is the role of the ventral vagal branch of the ANS and the meaning of “social engagement.”
The impact of “social distancing”
In our current state of the world, the phrase we are confronted with every day is “social distancing.” I really dislike this phrase. We don’t need to be socially distant. My preferred phrase is “physical distancing with social engagement.”
Initially, we were “all in this together.” We were friendly and smiling beneath our masks. Now what I see happening, especially in our very divided political environment, is both the weariness of everything related to COVID and avoidance of one another. We seem to be making less and less efforts to connect.
Personally, I have grown to dislike going anyplace where I have to wear a mask. I feel accosted by the impersonality of seeing every face covered. I can’t see smiles and facial expressions. I have difficulty hearing the nuances of speech. And I cannot do my best work as a therapist with masked faces. Working virtually is a blessing of technology, yet there is the burnout from staring at a computer screen for hours each day, combined with potentially missing communication nuances.
The bottom line: we are gradually (or not so gradually) falling out of our social engagement systems. Have you noticed that there is a generally higher level of angst in the collective consciousness? People are more on edge. I see some of the violence in what could be peaceful protests as this “fight or flight” of the SNS coming out as destruction. People are tired of being cooped up and not being able to connect. I see it in aggressive drivers. I see it in fights erupting over mask mandates.
Finding social engagement
What the world needs now is not more “social distancing.” What the world needs is more social engagement. How can we do this?
Have the intention to develop a mindful state of awareness, or what is sometimes referred to as “witness or observer consciousness.” I liken this to going to the gym: you are building a new muscle, this time in your mind. In EMDR therapy, we refer to this as developing “dual awareness.”
Tune into your breath. Moment to moment, notice the quality of your breath. How deep or shallow is your breath? Notice the length of the inhale and exhale. Have the intention to develop deep, diaphragmatic breath. Extend your exhale longer than your inhale, which engages the resting nervous system
Moment to moment, pause and tune into your body. For many of us we have never been taught how to do this. Notice areas where you are holding tension and stress. Have the intention to bring breath awareness to these places. Stretch; engage in mindful movement practices such as restorative yoga or tai chi.
Most importantly, pause when we come in contact with each other (at physical distance), take a breath and take the time to look into each other’s eyes. We can take a few breaths together to engage our PNS, bringing balance to our nervous systems. We can slow our speech down. We can endeavor to listen. I notice that it helps when people have what I call “friendly masks.” There is something about the design and fabric of the mask that can feel welcoming.
We need to realize, and grieve, what we’ve lost in this time of COVID, and in our current time of political unrest. We need to be aware of the potential for repercussions of longer-term social isolation: increased anxiety (SNS activation) and depression (dorsal vagal shutdown), both related to a sense of hopelessness about the future. And we need increased awareness of how we can come back into social engagement, not social distancing through practices that engage our ventral vagal system.
With Gratitude,
Linda
If you’re struggling and interested in EMDR therapy, contact me to learn more.